In Case You Missed it

Here's my farewell talk. Just imagine me standing nervously at the podium, making jokes that no one really thinks are funny, and speaking in a semi-monotone voice. It'll be like you were there!

 Covenants: God's Promises

The Merciful Contract

There are three kinds of very serious promises in the world. First and lowest is a legal contract, where two or more parties agree to a trade of goods or services in exchange for something the other party deems equally valuable. These are recorded on paper and signed by all contributors, and if broken, the offender faces serious monetary and possibly legal consequences. There is plenty of room for negotiation and both parties can supply their own terms to the contract.

Second comes the pinky promise. It is a serious and binding process between two individuals, often children and teenagers, where one party sets the terms and the other can negotiate, but usually ultimately accepts. It is sealed when the parties lock pinkies, and unless one of the parties crosses their fingers behind their back (which can easily be voided by the other stating “crosses don’t count”) the contract is effective immediately and unbreakable. If you break a pinky promise, you make a lot of people sad and people are less likely to promise you anything.

Highest of all (yes, even higher than a pinky promise) is a covenant. A covenant is also an agreement between two or sometimes more parties, except one party sets the terms and the other either accepts it and all the promised rewards that come with it, or rejects it and forfeits those rewards. There is no negotiation, no barter. In the church, the offering party is always God and the accepting party is always man. The contracts usually go as follows: We promise to keep certain statutes and rules that have been laid out before us and explained so we understand, and in return, we are promised rewards that far exceed our obedience. In the covenant of baptism, for example, we promise to try live the commandments laid out in the scriptures, and in exchange, we are promised forgiveness of our failings and, so long as we are faithful, the constant companionship of a member of the Godhead. The covenants are binding, and if we void our portion of the contract we forfeit the blessings and rewards promised us, just as any other contract However, the covenants we make, just like our Heavenly Father, are both merciful and just. The promises our Father makes us provide a way for forgiveness, and we are permitted to accept the terms of the contract over and over, despite our frequent failings. However, if we choose to reject such a generous offer, we are left without the promised rewards. The balance is already set—through the atonement of Christ we just have to add as much as we can to the scale and Christ will even out the rest. He has taken the full contract and permitted us to take part in it.

Like how a debt can be co-signed between two partners, usually a person with more wealth and one with less, so are the covenants we make co-signed with Christ. In the book “Believing Christ” by Stephen E. Robinson, he relates the parable of the bycicle. His daughter wanted a bycicle, but Elder Robinson knew it was far out of her capacities to pay for one. He told her to give everything she had by saving all of her money, and he would cover the rest.[1]

This parable is not only referring to the Atonement, but also with the covenants we make. We want the rewards of the temple, the rewards of the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost, but even if we save all our spiritual pennies we don’t have anywhere near the merit needed to receive such wonderful gifts. Fortunately we don’t have to do it alone. We’re in a partnership, and in that partnership we are only required to do as much as we can and are still given the reward despite our ultimate unworthiness as mortals.

However, just because we are asked to give so little compared to the Saviour does not mean it is easy. In the scriptures it often is said “it is by grace ye are saved after all ye can do.”[2] The same goes for our covenants. They’re surprisingly similar. Just because we are the lesser partners in the contract doesn’t mean that we can slack off and not give our whole selves. The Saviour has more to give than us, but our giving should be proportionate to what we can do. This is not an easy world to live in. It’s not an easy world to abide by the laws our Father set out. Christ says in Malachi that this world is like “a refiner’s fire…”[3] Allow me to go nerdy for a minute here and a bit blatant with the analogies. Refining consists of purifying an impure material, in this case a metal. It is different from things such as smelting in that smelting involves a chemical change to the raw material, whereas in refining, the final material is usually chemically identical to the original one, only purer.[4] In old times, before Nitric Acid could really be used, a refiner would sit at his fire, for example, with silver, and burn the impurities away until He could see his own reflection in the precious metal. That’s when He knew it is pure enough to work with. It hurts. The fire’s hot. The metal has to be melted to mould into the form the refiner wants it to be. In case you didn’t notice, we are not the refiner; we are the silver. The covenants we make are the moulds the silver is poured into after it is malleable enough to change form. They help us keep our form in the years to come, after the original firing process has cooled.

Ordinances—The “written agreement” of a Covenant

Ordinances are “sacred [ceremonies] or [rites] that show we have entered into a covenant with God.”[5] An ordinance is an outward manifestation of inward commitment, but ordinances and covenants go hand in hand. Why do we use ordinances, then, instead of just making the covenants and leaving it at that? By witnessing and often partaking of the ordinances we have been given, we remember the covenants we have made and refresh our commitment to them. Ordinances hold us accountable to the covenants and make the covenants easier to understand.

The Covenants We Make are Merciful and Important

Baptism/Sacrament

In our church, there are certain principles that cannot be fully seen or understood with a mortal mind. It’s just the way we are—we can’t understand celestial things in the state we are now. That’s where the symbols come in. As a church, we are surrounded by symbols and often don’t pause to think about what they mean. The sacrament, for instance, is administered every Sunday at our normal, commonplace meeting. That little bit of bread and water, though, symbolizes the covenants we have made, sacred promises with God that we are willing to remember Him and stand as His witness at all times and in all things and in all places. We promise to remember the Savior, and at the end we say “Amen,” a Hebrew word that means to be firm, reliable, and faithful until the next time the word Amen is used. It also means, “so be it,” meaning that by accepting that prayer we accept any consequences that come with not keeping the covenants we have made. In essence, the word amen binds us even before we take the sacrament. Surely this sacred and binding covenant and its accompanying ordinance deserve a little more than just a passing glance each Sunday.

One important thing about the sacrament that shows the unending mercy of God is that the wording of either prayer does not say basically “if you sin you’re condemned.” The prayers say that if we are “willing to take upon [us] the name of [the] Son, and always remember Him and keep His commandments which He has given [us]….”[6]  That we may have the Spirit, His Spirit, the third member of the Godhead, always with us. We promised when we took the bread and water earlier today that we were willing to try. God knows we’re not perfect, and He’s not going to make us covenant to do something that He knows we are unable to do. It’s like Elder Holland said in April’s General Conference: “Except in the case of His only perfect Begotten Son, imperfect people are all God has ever had to work with”[7] He makes it possible for us to keep our covenants because He knows He can’t expect perfection from us. We promise every Sunday that we are willing to do our best, and even if we make a mistake, it’s okay, as long as we try and do better the next time around. The reason we’re on this earth and the center principle of this church is the plan of mercy, after all.

We are offered the blessings of making covenants as early as possible. Why are we allowed to take a step into the path of exaltation as early as 8 years old? Obviously an eight year old doesn’t have the same knowledge as a 19 year old, and a 19 year old doesn’t have the same knowledge of a 40 year old. Each of us is only responsible for what we know and understand. But the longer we have those blessings, such as the gift of the Holy Ghost, the more we learn to understand and appreciate them and the more good we can do for ourselves and our future families.

Temple

If we take the sacrament weekly, doesn’t that show how important it is to frequently renew our covenants of all kinds? Why, if we take the sacrament so often, should it be acceptable to shirk in performing the other ordinances leading to exaltation? Here we sit, with a temple just 15 minutes away. Do we take advantage of it? Are we participating in and renewing the covenants that will let us become Gods and Goddesses in our own time? Those of you who not have received your endowment yet, do you still try to attend the temple as often as possible, to perform sacred saving ordinances and prepare yourself for the day you’ll go inside? I think if we truly understood the importance of the covenants we make in the temple, no power in heaven or earth would be able to keep us away from it. No power on earth would keep us from striving to be worthy to enter its doors. As it is, I feel we have grown casual. I know, I’m a 19 year old girl. I only went through the temple 4 months ago. I really have no right to lecture anyone on temple attendance, but I had the opportunity to really learn to appreciate its blessings. The first month after I received my endowments, I was so desperate to understand that I often went to the Logan temple more than once a week with some friends who were also preparing for their missions. After a while, we only went once a week, but the difference it made in my life and my insanely busy schedule was really amazing. I’ll admit, I’ve slacked off since I got home and the contrast is stark. I echo the General Authorities and invite everyone to make temple attendance a regular part of their schedule.

Blessings of Keeping Covenants

Guidance

Why are missionaries asked to make more covenants before they leave to teach the world about the restored gospel? The promises we make open the doors to the fullness of the Holy Ghost, which is one of the greatest gifts ever given to mankind. We send 18 and 19 year old kids out to preach the gospel to people much older then them? How on earth do we expect any conversions to take place without that Holy Ghost? I have a fair number of friends returned from and currently on missions, and the impact the Holy Ghost has made in their life as missionaries is impressive, even just hearing about it. One of my friends said that it helped him and his companion with everything from planning to contacting. How do you expect two complete strangers to come together, live with each other and constantly be in each other’s company, and not murder each other? There’s got to be some help there, more than any mortal can give.

Even just in daily life, this world gets harder and harder to live in. The fire is getting hotter. Each of us has our own special group of trials that were made just for us, and without the guidance and influence of the Holy Ghost; they become a lot harder to deal with. With baptism and confirmation, we allow the Spirit to enter our lives more fully so we can have help in everything we need. I am so grateful for the guidance of the Spirit in my life.

Comfort

Covenants also help on the days there seems to be no point in getting out of bed. Whether that be the loss of a spouse, child, or friend, or just the debilitating loneliness that comes from knowing you won’t see someone again for a long time, the covenants I have made help me realize that this life is short enough that I will see them again soon.

When I was younger, two of my very good friends were sisters, Kylene and Hayley Knutsen. Kylene was my age and Hayley was two years younger. My mother substitute taught for their mother and we generally got along quite well. Hayley had leukemia that went into remission off and on throughout her life. She dealt with everything, from dialysis to radiation and chemo to bone marrow transplants. She went into remission, but her body was scarred and needed help. She needed an extremely expensive liver transplant, but Haley never faltered with her smile or her positive attitude. She was a beacon of hope and love to the community. She brought the entire city of Chandler together in a massive effort to help pay for her medical costs. One of the high schools raised over $30,000. Together, we as the city raised over $175,000 in the fundraiser “Hope For Haley.” She was going to get the liver transplant she needed. Prayers were being answered. Then, the Monday before she flew out to be evaluated, the doctors told the family the worst news—the cancer was back.  They couldn’t operate and there was nothing they could do except maker her comfortable. On September 15, 2005, Haley passed away at age 9.

As an 11 year old kid, I had already been baptized. I didn’t fully understand, but seeing the funeral, held in a massive catholic church that was packed past capacity for this little nine year old, it tore me to see her family so completely heartbroken. They thought she was going to beat it. Here was a 9 year old who had never deserved any of what she went through. She was brave and cheerful and kind. She was sweet and always optimistic. I rarely heard anyone in her family complain. But the wrenching loneliness that comes after a death of one so young is almost unimaginable. I know tragedy has struck this ward as well and I am speaking far too close to home for some. But through the covenants that we have, because of the knowledge we have, we can “Enjoy the same association we have in this life in the world to come.”  We know, through the promises made at the altar in the temple, that no matter what happens, if we are faithful we will have those we were separated from with us again. What a joyful reunion it will be.

The power behind the covenants we make is real. It is eternal. And nothing will take those blessings from us except our own foolishness. I cannot wait for the day when I am sealed to my future husband and know that despite what comes, we are together for eternity. We have been promised that we will be given all that the Father has, but it will require sacrifice on our part. But Brother Pilimai said it right last week in his Sunday school lesson—“All that the Father has is certainly worth all I have to give to get it.”

I am so blessed to be a member of this church where I can receive such rich rewards when I am nowhere near sinless. I am grateful for the mercy of our Heavenly Father, and I’m thankful He truly is our Father and He acts like one. He is not distant, He is anxiously aware of each and every one of us. He wants us to grow up and become like Him, and through the covenants we make on this earth we are taking steps towards that all important day when we will be admitted into His presence and live with Him and our families for eternity. I cannot wait to tell the world—well, maybe just Louisiana, about what’s in store for us. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

---

[1] Robinson, Stephen Edward. Believing Christ: the parable of the bicycle and other good news. Salt Lake City, Utah: Deseret Book Co., 1992. Print.

[2] 2 Nephi 25:23

[3] Malachi 3:2, 3 Nephi 24:2

[4] R. F. Tylecote, A history of metallurgy (Institute of materials, London 1992).

[5] Preach My Gospel. Salt Lake City, Utah: Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 2004. Print.

[6] Doctrine and Covenants 20:77-79

[7] Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, “Lord, I Believe” General Conference April 2013

Quick Thought for Missionaries

I was discussing the atonement with some friends over Facebook and someone posted this quote. It doesn't necessarily mean full-time missionaries. In a way, it means all of anyone who wants someone we know to either join the church or maybe come back. It is to anyone who is afraid of rejection when they try to share the gospel. In short, it's for all of us.

"Anyone who does any kind of missionary work will have occasion to ask, Why is this so hard? Why doesn’t it go better? Why can’t our success be more rapid? Why aren’t there more people joining the Church? It is the truth. We believe in angels. We trust in miracles. Why don’t people just flock to the font? Why isn’t the only risk in missionary work that of pneumonia from being soaking wet all day and all night in the baptismal font? You will have occasion to ask those questions. I have thought about this a great deal. I offer this as my personal feeling. I am convinced that missionary work is not easy because salvation is not a cheap experience. Salvation never was easy. We are The Church of Jesus Christ, this is the truth, and He is our Great Eternal Head. How could we believe it would be easy for us when it was never, ever easy for Him? It seems to me that missionaries and mission leaders have to spend at least a few moments in Gethsemane. Missionaries and mission leaders have to take at least a step or two toward the summit of Calvary. For that reason I don’t believe missionary work has ever been easy, nor that conversion is, nor that retention is, nor that continued faithfulness is. I believe it is supposed to require some effort, something from the depths of our soul. If He could come forward in the night, kneel down, fall on His face, bleed from every pore, and cry, “Abba, Father (Papa), if this cup can pass, let it pass,” then little wonder that salvation is not a whimsical or easy thing for us. If you wonder if there isn’t an easier way, you should remember you are not the first one to ask that. Someone a lot greater and a lot grander asked a long time ago if there wasn’t an easier way. The Atonement will carry the missionaries perhaps even more importantly than it will carry the investigators. When you struggle, when you are rejected, when you are spit upon and cast out and made a hiss and a byword, you are standing with the best life this world has ever known, the only pure and perfect life ever lived."

Elder Holland 

Love y'all. Don't give up.
Cass

There Can Be Miracles If You Believe....

Once upon a time Katie and I sang that in like 3rd or 4th grade. It was supposed to be a duet and the choir was supposed to come in at the end, but before they could, the guy in charge of the music stopped it. It was a wee bit awkward.

But that's not the point!!
The point is that miracles do happen. And I don't just mean in the past. I don't even mean in the way the sun rises and spring (eventually) comes. I mean, real, true miracles occur. God hears our prayers, our pleas in the middle of the night. He knows our sorrows, and counts our tears. And sometimes, if it is His will, He sees fit to completely show His hand in our life.

I shall now illustrate this point.
1. 9th grade. 9th grade was both a really bad and a really good year. I had just moved up from Arizona, and started going to school in a state where I literally didn't know anyone outside of family. I was terrified. I wanted to go back to Basha, or even *shudder* Hamilton ;).  But as my parents were deciding on whether to let us stay in AZ until the house sold, or move up to Utah and move in with my grandparents, my mother felt prompted that we needed to move. Bless my amazing Dad, he didn't even question the prompting, and we moved. I was so mad at them for a while. Furious. We moved in with my grandparents and Katie and I were back to not only sharing a room, but sharing a bed.
We had a month with my grandparents before my amazing grandfather passed away. I got to spend a month living with him, laughing with him, and making memories. I still remember, we were sealing the deck after the annual pool-closing party, and as I was running up to the gazebo to put something away, Grandpa turned the hose on me and totally soaked me! As furious as I was with mom and Dad, I wouldn't trade that month for anything in the world.
Granted, 9th grade, as previously stated, was not a good year. I got bullied, ruthlessly, by a group of kids that ended up in one of them flat out punching me in the face. I cried a lot. I had to experience my first real winter. But I also had the chance to make several very good friends, which surprisingly enough, I have more of my friends from 9th grade up in Logan than I do friends from high school. The Lord knew what was best for me in the long run. It wasn't what I wanted, but it was an absolute miracle. It wasn't coincidence that I got to spend that last month with my Grandpa.

2. Mission call. The whole mission process was a miracle. In the summer after I graduated from high school, I felt like I should really study out of Preach My Gospel. My entire life, I had felt like I was going to go through the temple earlier than 21. Sure enough, October came around, and President Monson made an announcement that changed my life. Absolutely and completely. I know knew why my friends and I had been preparing as if to go on a mission. Because we were going on missions.
I was nervous about my call. Everyone thought I was going to Russia, to be honest. I knew I'd go stateside, simply because of some medical and emotional issues that I won't discuss here, but I was really worried I'd open my call and be disappointed in where I was going. I wasn't even sure this was the right decision. Plus, after I broke my wrist I was angry and upset and scared it would alter my report date. Every single one of those concerns was washed down the drain as I read my call. Louisiana. Practically a different country. July 24th. My wrist would be fine by then (actually, it's almost fine by now). Most importantly, I knew that this is where the Lord had ALWAYS planned for me to go. It was a miracle in timing, and a miracle in placement. This mission has changed my life already, and I'm not even on it yet!

3. I am not going to relate my entire LDV story, as it's been stated before. But Latter-Day Voices is a miracle. Absolutely. 100%. The people I've met, the things we've done have been perfectly and exactly what I needed in life. It didn't make the problems go away, but it certainly made them easier to bear.

There's another one still in progress right now, but it's one I have been praying for for almost a month now. He HEARS us! He knows us and only needs us to ask before He pours out blessings upon us! Every cry is heard. No matter if it's simply "I can't find my car keys" or "I really need to accompany this song well" or "I need to find a person's name to take to the temple today." Even if it's "I just need someone to smile and say hello" or "I just need to know there's someone listening." Ask, and ye shall receive. And He will answer in a way that is the best for OUR needs. This isn't just a generalized formula for output of blessings. This is an ISP--and individualized salvation plan. He's our Father. He knows EXACTLY how we need to receive blessings. Sometimes it's the 2x4 method, I can testify to that. But once you learn that, you will see that miracles are everywhere. Even big miracles are everywhere.

Guys! this is the GOOD NEWS!
AMEN till next time!
<3Cass

Stahp!!!

Today was a remarkably good day. I don't know why, but it just was happy and funny and I was in a really strange mood. I had an unusual amount of energy and was cracking jokes and just being very not what I'm like most Thursday nights.

As I was walking to go check my mail at 9:30 this evening, the realization hit me.

This moment will never happen again.
This year, this part of my life is entirely unique and unrepeatable.

It literally stopped me in my tracks. After 22 days, I will never be in these particular choirs again. Sure, I'll be in Chorale and LDV, but not with these groups, with these people. I will never be a freshman/sophomore/junior music student all at once ever again. I will never room with these roommates again. After 104 days, I will never be a premish again. The next time I come back to school, I will be a return missionary.

It was a strange thought. I feel like so much of the time I am rushing about, excited for the weekend or to get to the end of the day. I feel like while we're in the moment it feels like it will never end. It feels like we are suspended in Jello. Time's not moving and you want it to move forward. Get to the next thing! Oh, I can't wait for the weekend! I can't wait to master this song and move on! I can't wait for my mission!

But then you look back. And those moments you thought would never end are months and years in the past. I graduated from high school, a moment I never thought I would get past. I was stuck in the high school Jello flavor forever, it seemed. Yet here I am, nearing the end of my first year at Utah State. I thought I would never get through both of my friends leaving on missions. But here I am, doing remarkably well, most of the time (I have my bad days when I am halfway through a text to either of them and I realize they won't answer). I thought I'd never get my call, I'd never reach the day I'd go through the temple for myself. Yet here I am.

I want it to slow down!! Of course I want to serve my mission. Of course I want life to move forward. But I just want to stop and hit the pause button for a bit! I want to sit and just be in the moment. There's no pause button in life, unfortunately. We have to move on to bigger and better things. Man, I can't wait for the eternities when there's no end. But even then! I love this life! Everything we say is "I can't wait, I can't wait!" But so often, I know I am so focused on ahead and the next thing that I pass by the happy things going on right now.

My happy list for today included:
Going to the temple
Meeting a girl on the bus who knew one of my friends in San Bernardino
Failing miserably at trying to get a "referral" from a "member in the area" in mission prep
Talking to Sara during our trek across campus
Learning to march with a bass drum in percussion
Completing a lengthy assignment in Computer Apps
Finding out I apparently talk to myself out loud sometimes in voice lessons
Laughing and finally finding out the name of the boy I sit next to in Psychology, because we realized we never actually did that
Chatting on the phone with my lovely mother about life
Latter-Day Voices in general. Being silly. Making people laugh. Talking with Adrienne about how cute certain couples are. Watching our incredible dancers. Lamenting over things that could have been yet weren't.

All of these these things just make me want to cry STOP!! I don't want this to end! I don't want this part of my life to be over in a blink of an eye! Yet life moves on. We can't stop time, as much as we want to. So live in the moment. Remember eternity, remember and plan for the future, but don't let your thoughts of the future interfere with the joy of the present. I'm not going to quote the cliche, but seriously. The present is a gift. Don't take it for granted because soon, in a matter of seconds or minutes or hours, it will be the past. Live every moment.

Love y'all! Firm and true 'till next time!
<3 Cass

An Uphill Battle

My last post was a post of how peace can come even in the hardest of times, and not to be a Debbie Downer, this may have the opposite message.

Satan knows us far better than we know ourselves. He knows just how to make us hurt, either through sin or heartbreak or affliction. He knows precisely what makes us tick. He also knows that he has to amp his game up when we are striving to do what the Lord wants us to.

Take this semester, for example. It has been one of the most spiritually rewarding times of my life, but it has also been one of the absolute most difficult. Satan is throwing everything he can at me. I broke my wrist and have an ugly scar, my voice seems to be getting worse instead of improving, I'm stressed at school and have in a few occasions lacked even the money to buy food, and I've been feeling a lot of very, very discouraging thoughts about myself, which is pretty normal in my case, but this semester has been amplified by external situations.

The highs are great. Today, at general conference, I received some of the most direct and exact answers to prayers I have ever received in my life. It was like the general authorities were speaking directly to me, and I'm sure others can relate with that. I was crying tears of joy by the time President Eyring finished his talk.

The lows? Not so great. I found out one of my very good friends who I happened to have a very large crush on had started going out with one of my other really good friend. My voice recital was rough. I just was getting pounded on by Satan--"you're not good enough." "Of course this happened again, it always happens (literally, every guy I've liked since seventh grade on up has started going out with one of my other good friends.) because who would ever want to date you?" "You're always going to get passed over." "No one would ever look twice at you." The thoughts keep coming, and I'll be honest. It's really hard to stem the tide because I already think those things about myself without being emotionally unstable. Add to it sobbing in the middle of your room because you hate the way you look and you feel ugly and worthless and heartbroken over something that could have never happened only further strengthens those thoughts.

All of this (well, not the dating part--that just kind of sunk in today) happened within a day. I went from crying tears of joy to sobbing on my bed. Yeah, I cry a lot. (Side note--I don't cry when I'm in pain, for some reason. Just when I'm feeling the Spirit or really sad. I didn't cry a drop when I broke my wrist and could feel every minute of the hour before they got me to the ER and doped up.)

Yeah. It's a stupid reason to be really, really upset. I know and you don't need to tell me that. That is just one of my particular weaknesses that Satan knows very well. Here's a secret that since this is now on the internet, is no longer a secret: I have been asked out twice. Ever. The first one I had to turn down because I had a Madrigals gig, and the second one only happened because it was a Madrigals thing. It has been really, really hard for me to be best friends with two of the most popular girls in my social circle, girls who were prom royalty and constantly dating, girls who were absolutely beautiful and fantastic in every way. While they went out with all of my guy friends, I sat at home, miserable. It's been that way literally since the seventh grade. I can't tell you how many times I have cried myself to sleep. Why am I telling you this? So you understand that this is one of my most painful weaknesses. Feeling unloved and unwanted is one of Satan's best tools against me. It's very effective and very painful.

Everyone has their Achilles heel. For some it's an addiction. For some it's sleep or distractions or just doing too much. For some, it's like me, a mind full of hate towards yourself. Whatever it is, I know it's hard. I know what it feels like to be attacked at the very point when you are the most vulnerable.

We've just got to pick up the pieces and keep going. If life is a journey, these times are when we are crawling on the ground through a muddy forest underbrush. We can't see the sun and we don't see an end, but we know it has to end eventually. There is no such thing as an eternal underbrush.

It's not always easy. Frankly, as I saw on a commercial for President Eyring's book, "the path of righteousness will always be uphill." And right now I know in my heart that everything will work out, but I am still in a low right now. I'm still in the underbrush--it doesn't go away as fast as you want it to. I want everything to happen on my timing, and not on the Lord's. But in theory, I know that the Lord's timing is as inspired as the events that occur. Maybe right now I just have to tell myself that until I get out of this mud. Once I can see the sky, once the rain clears I know I will see a purpose for my trials. Until then? I'll do what I'm supposed to, relying on past faith and experiences to help me make it through this. The darkness is only the night, it's not permanent and the sun will rise again.

Keep calm and carry on.

The Plan

Sometimes, all you can do is cry.

Has life ever gotten so overwhelming that you feel a literal burden that seems to be crushing you? A weight that can't be lifted, no matter what you do?

Welcome to the last seven days of my life.

It seemed like everything was out to get me this past little bit. I went home for Easter which was fantastic, but I was irritable with my sister and antisocial at best. I was (and I'll admit, still am) struggling with some of my roommates, trying my hardest not to bite their heads off. Allergy season started. I got sick. My voice wasn't working the way it needed to, and I have a recital on Saturday. Homework piled up.  One thing after another after another. Each a burden wearing me down a little more, slowly crushing the tender spirit that is slowly growing inside me. I have become a confidante of one of my very dear friends, which while I am glad to be, I struggle with the added difficulty of helping her bear her own, much more difficult burdens.

Tonight was the straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak. I slipped up today, decided I wasn't going to go to the temple and do initiatories and stayed in bed for most of the day because I wasn't feeling my best. To be honest, I just couldn't deal with people and friends and society. I knew I had to go to my last two classes, Abnormal Psychology and Latter-Day Voices, of course. I always look forward to LDV but was struggling to feel the Spirit the whole day. Even yesterday, I put my own desires above that which I knew I should have been doing. As I was sitting in the back row with my amazing friends Dakota and Adrienne and Scott, I was also praying silently to Heavenly Father to forgive me for slacking off. I needed the Spirit, perhaps more than ever. I needed to be the missionary I'm preparing to be to help my friend, and I needed to somehow keep up the happy demeanor I had been putting up. I had been proud--I hadn't let anyone in on the fact I was really, really struggling to even get out of bed some days.

Heh. So much for the happy facade. We were singing this beautiful piece, "My Shepherd Shall Supply My Need" arranged by Mack Wilberg. We are working on our show, which is "In Defense of Families." Something about the song just absolutely shattered my outer shell. I couldn't sing, I couldn't pretend everything was all right anyomore. It was fortunate that we sang it towards the end of class, because I barely mangaged to make it back to my backpack before I just LOST it. And I mean like sobbing hysterically. I finally realized, at that point, that I couldn't bear this load by myself.

Of course, my incredible friends immediately asked if I needed a blessing. I've had more Priesthood blessings this school year than I have had in my entire life, if you exclude patriarchal and baby blessings. Which granted, isn't saying much.

I can't remember much of the blessing, aside from the peace that came from it. But the theme and the one thing I gleaned from it was this:

The Lord has a plan for each and every one of us. Not just the overarching plan of salvation, but an individual plan, personalized for the specific trials, strengths and weaknesses we all have. He knows what we are going to go through, for He has gone through all of it Himself. He knows how best to help us. If we wander, He will bring people into our lives and place them there so we can come back one day. The path of course, has less heartache of sin if we don't stray, but there is always a way back. He's not just going to leave us out there alone and helpless.

I guess this post is a story time.
Once upon a time there was this girl who was terrified of the thought of going to second semester without her best friend. She had just started to get back on the path, and was afraid that she was going to slip once again because no one was there to help her and keep her in check.
On the first Tuesday of the semester, this girl went to her very first institute class up in Logan--mission prep. She volunteered to play the piano and was playing prelude when she saw a friend from high school come and sit down right behind where her stuff was. After the opening song, the girl went back to her seat and caught up with her friend, who she didn't even know went to Utah State. The girl's friend, obviously listening to the Spirit, invited the girl to audition for Latter-Day Voices that afternoon, and the girl accepted. She made it in the choir and it changed her life.

If you hadn't guessed, I was that girl. The Lord had inspired the beautiful Sara Wilcox to sit behind me that day, and inspired her to invite me to audition. Brother Salmond and the Presidency were inspired to allow me to become a Latter-Day Voice. I don't think the choir needed me as much as I needed that choir. The Lord knew what I needed. He had a plan for me which was more perfect than I could have ever imagined. Never have I ever found a place where I fit in so perfectly. Never have I ever had that number of friends who keep the covenants they have made. Never have I ever been so blessed.

We're all struggling. I know that. Some have been tried and tempted more than I could possibly imagine. But the Lord knows you personally. He knows your desires, your hopes and dreams, your fears and falls. And He knows you. He has descended below all things that He might know how best to succor His people. I know is personally and through the stories of my friends. I know that one day, all will be made well. Every tear will be wiped away and we will be encircled about in the arms of His love. Standing in a circle of friends after that very inspired blessing, I caught a glimpse of how perfect that day is going to be.

I will leave this post with a quote from Stephen E. Robinson, from his book Believing Christ.

"In Gethsemane and on Calvary, in His horrible suffering and death, the Savior descended below all things, just as in his resurrection He ascended above all things. Between those two events, Jesus Christ compassed either personally or vicariously the whole range of possible human experiences and circumstances from the worst to the best.  He has been lower than the lowest of us, and higher than the highest, so "that he comprehended all things." Both spatially as the light of creation and experientially of the Atoning One, Christ fills all things and is in and through all things. He has been everywhere. Thus when we are tempted to think that our sins have put us beyond the understanding or reach of God, we are simply mistaken, and we grossly underestimate the scope of the Atonement. However low we may fall, our Redeemer has already been there, and He went there for the sole purpose of finding and bringing us lost sheep back. I have occasionally heard people say things like, "how can come back to Church, or pray, or approach God after what I've done. I've sunk too low; I've put myself beyond His reach. I'm to vile to save." To this the Savior responds essentially, I know where you are; I've been where you are-- and worse than that. I know what you're feeling, for I have felt it. I remember my own pain when I went through it, and my heart aches for you. But I want you back. I'll even carry you back if you'll let me."

I love you all. Stay firm and true until next time, and I say these things in the name of our Brother, Friend, and Savior Jesus Christ, Amen.

PS: I'm a music junkie, so here's the incredible song that caused this post..
My Shepherd Will Supply My Need
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yzARLyXJjec

Cyberman x-ray

These are the x-rays of my lovely wrist. it's about a 200 percent (2x) view.

Even if you Don't Like Lemonade

I always disliked the saying "when life throws you lemons, make lemonade." For one thing, if all you had in your lemonade was lemons, everyone would hate you, because who just squeezes a lemon and drinks it straight? That's right, NOBODY unless you're Chuck Norris or something.

Now, I'm not going to try and be all clever and deep and meaningful here, because you see, I am about due for another lovely little packet of happiness (read: hydrocodone). But even though I don't get many people reading this, it allows me to do something produvtive and is a bit of a cathatsis for sitting in bedrest all day.

I didn't expect this to be so hard. Once upon a time, I broke my wrist. The ER staff told me it looked fairly clean and that I shouldn't need surgery. Well, they must of misinterpreted the x-rays, because this has been a really lousy spring break. I had to get a plate and some screws put into my wrist on Tuesday.

Let me interject--yes, I'm interrupting myself. This was my third surgery. I have had two pretty intensive shoulder surgeries, one in May of 2009 and one in November of 2010. They were not fun, to put it lightly. But this? This has easily been the worst surgery I've been through, because my body has refused to let me sleep the pain off. Between 10:00 Tuesday evening and 11:00 Wednesday night, I slept 2 and a half hours. Today was better--my merciful surgeon prescribed me a low dosage sleeping medication that let me sleep about 6 hours. Hopefully I should be back to normal tonight.

But, as my loopy self was sitting in bed just praying for some sleep that never came, I realized why that  little lemonade adage was so popular. Yes, lemons are sour and no one wants to eat them outright. But you can't just look at an experience and see the bad to it. You have to bring your own good into it--sugar's not that expensive, and neither is a little optimism. I've just been stingy with my sugar in this experience because it happened at a really bad time. Well, I'm not going to make it too sweet, because nobody likes that either. But, the good and the bad do have to balance out. Yes. I broke my wrist pretty badly. But we have the medication and technology to fix it so that I can play piano again. Yes, it's made me pretty helpless, but it's also made me rely a lot more on the Lord. I've been able to spends a lot more time with my roommates and with my family. I've been forced to slow down and just take time to let myself heal. So no, I'm not a huge fan of lemonade, but sometimes you need the sour to balance out the sweet. And who knows? There might be someone down the road who needs that outlook to keep them walking.

Now, though, on to pain pills! Hurrah!

Also! I went through the Draper Temple on Saturday. I will echo what all of the General Authorities and leaders of the Church have said--do everything you can to obtain a Temple Recommend. If you have one, go often. The peace is beyond description. The blessings are without measure.

Questions? Feel free to email me at c.chey.steele@gmail.com or just drop 'em below!

Cass

I VOLUNTEER! I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE!

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No. I'm not going to Panem, thank goodness.

I'm going to Baton Rouge, Louisiana! I know, everyone thought I was going to go international, but as I opened my call letter I knew but at that moment that the Lord has been the one who issued my call, and therefore that I was where I needed to be. As I read the words "Louisiana Baton Rouge  I knew it was right. The most powerful sense of peace I've ever felt in my life came over me and I knew that that confirmation was assuring me that the Lord approved of what I was doing, and that he said he would send me somewhere where I could touch the lives of others that maybe others couldn't touch. I already love the people, and haven't even met them yet! I report July 24th, 2013. Pioneer Day!

It hasn't been an easy route to this call. The week before I got my call was one of the worst weeks my life. It seems to the adversary was trying to throw everything he could at me to discourage me from accepting a call that the Lord had extended. Monday, my sister-in-law miscarried her baby. Is a huge blow to the entire family because we'd been praying so hard for her to keep it. I know that my pain was nothing compared to hers, but it was still hurts me as her sister-in-law. Tuesday, I found out one of my acquaintances up at Utah State has passed away after a series of illnesses. He was blind and had a wonderful seeing eye dog named Huck, and we had just really hit off our friendship before we broke at the semester. I wasn't really super good friends with him, but the blow took me by surprise and also really hurt.I felt like I was constantly in danger of losing my temper, and I could never really find any peace. Except for when I was at the Temple. I was always comfortable there. Finally, I was over hanging out with some friends at the Sports Academy and jumping on a trampoline when I jumped off and landed on my hand. I broke my wrist--snapped at the head of the radius. I spent 3 hours in the emergency room. They had to set the bone and now I'm stuck in a splint until tomorrow when I get it casted. This was the final hardship of a horrible week. 

All of this happened to the week my call was made. I understood something that week. The Lord does not permit the righteous to suffer adversity because He enjoys watching us in pain. He permits us to suffer because he knows we will grow. Rest assured, the pain does not come from Him.

Sometimes, the pain is because he needs someone else at home. Sometimes, it's that the timing isn't right. And sometimes, the pain comes from your own willfulness to do things you're not prepared to do. But I promise you: any pain you suffer, the Savior has already suffered. He will be with you every step of the way. He will not flee nor fail you.

Elder Bednar spoke tonight at a CES devotional about letting your will be swallowed up in the will of the Father. We have to have the faith to accept His will, regardless of our desires. I really encourage you to go watch it on lds.org. it really is a powerful talk given by an authorized servant of the Lord.

 I am so grateful to have the friends I do. Its hard at this age to be committed to the gospel, yet the people around me are incredible examples of just that. I feel like I could go on for hours of what I've learned from them, But I won't. But I love being around worthy Priesthood holders and righteous Daughters of God. I love that my friends are in tune with the Spirit or working to be. I just love my friends :)

 Well, that's all for tonight. It's taken me a while to type this, being one handed. God be with you 'till we meet again.  

Call and Answer

Hi Everyone!
I'm starting this pre-mish because why not? I've been waiting, praying, hoping, and waiting even more for the Lord's plan to move forward for me. And now the day is here! Well, not quite.
What I mean is that my call has been assigned, officially, as of today!

I got a phone call this afternoon from my incredible mother that she had just talked to the Bishop and he said the status on my papers had changed from "Processing" to "Call Assigned." However, she started crying during conversation, before she told me this, so I thought someone had died. This was much better :)

Can we just take a moment to realize how truly incredible the mission call process is? I'm not going to go into too much detail, because I'm no expert, but here's the basics.
 
1. You do your part, decide to serve, talk to your parents (who have direct authority over you).
2. You talk to your bishop (your presiding Priesthood authority in your ward family) and he passes you on to the
3. Stake President. Now we're getting into the upper keys of the Priesthood. You sit down and talk with him, and he clears you to go. Now he's in charge of you and the entire stake, but he sits down and takes the time to make sure you are worthy to be a servant of the Lord. He's the one who eventually sends in your papers.
4. Your papers go to a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. How incredible is that?!? You are individually considered by one of the Lord's chosen servants who are in charge of the entire church. They look at your picture, read your information, and through the Lord, they assign you to where you need to go.
5. Finally, your papers and assigned call go to the Prophet. The President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints reviews every single mission call. By this time next week, President Monson will have seen MY face and approved my call individually. The signature at the end of the letter I will recieve is not a copy.

The Lord knows each of His children, and He has made sure that His mouthpieces on the Earth also know who you are. He takes special care to make sure no one is sent somewhere they shouldn't be. Every mission call is from the Lord. He knows where you should be, and where you personally will be the most effective instrument in His hands. Just trust Him, and everything will work out!! Even if I end up going to Provo, I will be serving where the Lord wants me.

To those starting their papers--I can tell you right now it's going to get a LOT harder from here on out. TRUST ME. This week, until today, has been HORRENDOUS. The adversary is going to be working overtime to get you to slip. Don't give up, and try your hardest to not get discouraged. Try to get to the temple often. Feast on the words of Christ. Trust in Him and know that He is always there. Pour out your heart in prayer--your Heavenly Father hears you and is mindful of your needs. He will give you the experiences you need to grow and become the person you eventually want to be.  (That isn't just for those thinking about going on a mission!) He will help you bear your loads. He won't necessarily take them away, but you never have to bear them alone. Put your trust in Him.
Love you!
Cass

Also. Guesses are accepted at this point. I refuse to guess because I am a horrible guesser. Always have, always will be. Deposit them here or email (c.chey.steele@gmail.com) or text or Facebook.