Quick Thought for Missionaries

I was discussing the atonement with some friends over Facebook and someone posted this quote. It doesn't necessarily mean full-time missionaries. In a way, it means all of anyone who wants someone we know to either join the church or maybe come back. It is to anyone who is afraid of rejection when they try to share the gospel. In short, it's for all of us.

"Anyone who does any kind of missionary work will have occasion to ask, Why is this so hard? Why doesn’t it go better? Why can’t our success be more rapid? Why aren’t there more people joining the Church? It is the truth. We believe in angels. We trust in miracles. Why don’t people just flock to the font? Why isn’t the only risk in missionary work that of pneumonia from being soaking wet all day and all night in the baptismal font? You will have occasion to ask those questions. I have thought about this a great deal. I offer this as my personal feeling. I am convinced that missionary work is not easy because salvation is not a cheap experience. Salvation never was easy. We are The Church of Jesus Christ, this is the truth, and He is our Great Eternal Head. How could we believe it would be easy for us when it was never, ever easy for Him? It seems to me that missionaries and mission leaders have to spend at least a few moments in Gethsemane. Missionaries and mission leaders have to take at least a step or two toward the summit of Calvary. For that reason I don’t believe missionary work has ever been easy, nor that conversion is, nor that retention is, nor that continued faithfulness is. I believe it is supposed to require some effort, something from the depths of our soul. If He could come forward in the night, kneel down, fall on His face, bleed from every pore, and cry, “Abba, Father (Papa), if this cup can pass, let it pass,” then little wonder that salvation is not a whimsical or easy thing for us. If you wonder if there isn’t an easier way, you should remember you are not the first one to ask that. Someone a lot greater and a lot grander asked a long time ago if there wasn’t an easier way. The Atonement will carry the missionaries perhaps even more importantly than it will carry the investigators. When you struggle, when you are rejected, when you are spit upon and cast out and made a hiss and a byword, you are standing with the best life this world has ever known, the only pure and perfect life ever lived."

Elder Holland 

Love y'all. Don't give up.
Cass

There Can Be Miracles If You Believe....

Once upon a time Katie and I sang that in like 3rd or 4th grade. It was supposed to be a duet and the choir was supposed to come in at the end, but before they could, the guy in charge of the music stopped it. It was a wee bit awkward.

But that's not the point!!
The point is that miracles do happen. And I don't just mean in the past. I don't even mean in the way the sun rises and spring (eventually) comes. I mean, real, true miracles occur. God hears our prayers, our pleas in the middle of the night. He knows our sorrows, and counts our tears. And sometimes, if it is His will, He sees fit to completely show His hand in our life.

I shall now illustrate this point.
1. 9th grade. 9th grade was both a really bad and a really good year. I had just moved up from Arizona, and started going to school in a state where I literally didn't know anyone outside of family. I was terrified. I wanted to go back to Basha, or even *shudder* Hamilton ;).  But as my parents were deciding on whether to let us stay in AZ until the house sold, or move up to Utah and move in with my grandparents, my mother felt prompted that we needed to move. Bless my amazing Dad, he didn't even question the prompting, and we moved. I was so mad at them for a while. Furious. We moved in with my grandparents and Katie and I were back to not only sharing a room, but sharing a bed.
We had a month with my grandparents before my amazing grandfather passed away. I got to spend a month living with him, laughing with him, and making memories. I still remember, we were sealing the deck after the annual pool-closing party, and as I was running up to the gazebo to put something away, Grandpa turned the hose on me and totally soaked me! As furious as I was with mom and Dad, I wouldn't trade that month for anything in the world.
Granted, 9th grade, as previously stated, was not a good year. I got bullied, ruthlessly, by a group of kids that ended up in one of them flat out punching me in the face. I cried a lot. I had to experience my first real winter. But I also had the chance to make several very good friends, which surprisingly enough, I have more of my friends from 9th grade up in Logan than I do friends from high school. The Lord knew what was best for me in the long run. It wasn't what I wanted, but it was an absolute miracle. It wasn't coincidence that I got to spend that last month with my Grandpa.

2. Mission call. The whole mission process was a miracle. In the summer after I graduated from high school, I felt like I should really study out of Preach My Gospel. My entire life, I had felt like I was going to go through the temple earlier than 21. Sure enough, October came around, and President Monson made an announcement that changed my life. Absolutely and completely. I know knew why my friends and I had been preparing as if to go on a mission. Because we were going on missions.
I was nervous about my call. Everyone thought I was going to Russia, to be honest. I knew I'd go stateside, simply because of some medical and emotional issues that I won't discuss here, but I was really worried I'd open my call and be disappointed in where I was going. I wasn't even sure this was the right decision. Plus, after I broke my wrist I was angry and upset and scared it would alter my report date. Every single one of those concerns was washed down the drain as I read my call. Louisiana. Practically a different country. July 24th. My wrist would be fine by then (actually, it's almost fine by now). Most importantly, I knew that this is where the Lord had ALWAYS planned for me to go. It was a miracle in timing, and a miracle in placement. This mission has changed my life already, and I'm not even on it yet!

3. I am not going to relate my entire LDV story, as it's been stated before. But Latter-Day Voices is a miracle. Absolutely. 100%. The people I've met, the things we've done have been perfectly and exactly what I needed in life. It didn't make the problems go away, but it certainly made them easier to bear.

There's another one still in progress right now, but it's one I have been praying for for almost a month now. He HEARS us! He knows us and only needs us to ask before He pours out blessings upon us! Every cry is heard. No matter if it's simply "I can't find my car keys" or "I really need to accompany this song well" or "I need to find a person's name to take to the temple today." Even if it's "I just need someone to smile and say hello" or "I just need to know there's someone listening." Ask, and ye shall receive. And He will answer in a way that is the best for OUR needs. This isn't just a generalized formula for output of blessings. This is an ISP--and individualized salvation plan. He's our Father. He knows EXACTLY how we need to receive blessings. Sometimes it's the 2x4 method, I can testify to that. But once you learn that, you will see that miracles are everywhere. Even big miracles are everywhere.

Guys! this is the GOOD NEWS!
AMEN till next time!
<3Cass

An Uphill Battle

My last post was a post of how peace can come even in the hardest of times, and not to be a Debbie Downer, this may have the opposite message.

Satan knows us far better than we know ourselves. He knows just how to make us hurt, either through sin or heartbreak or affliction. He knows precisely what makes us tick. He also knows that he has to amp his game up when we are striving to do what the Lord wants us to.

Take this semester, for example. It has been one of the most spiritually rewarding times of my life, but it has also been one of the absolute most difficult. Satan is throwing everything he can at me. I broke my wrist and have an ugly scar, my voice seems to be getting worse instead of improving, I'm stressed at school and have in a few occasions lacked even the money to buy food, and I've been feeling a lot of very, very discouraging thoughts about myself, which is pretty normal in my case, but this semester has been amplified by external situations.

The highs are great. Today, at general conference, I received some of the most direct and exact answers to prayers I have ever received in my life. It was like the general authorities were speaking directly to me, and I'm sure others can relate with that. I was crying tears of joy by the time President Eyring finished his talk.

The lows? Not so great. I found out one of my very good friends who I happened to have a very large crush on had started going out with one of my other really good friend. My voice recital was rough. I just was getting pounded on by Satan--"you're not good enough." "Of course this happened again, it always happens (literally, every guy I've liked since seventh grade on up has started going out with one of my other good friends.) because who would ever want to date you?" "You're always going to get passed over." "No one would ever look twice at you." The thoughts keep coming, and I'll be honest. It's really hard to stem the tide because I already think those things about myself without being emotionally unstable. Add to it sobbing in the middle of your room because you hate the way you look and you feel ugly and worthless and heartbroken over something that could have never happened only further strengthens those thoughts.

All of this (well, not the dating part--that just kind of sunk in today) happened within a day. I went from crying tears of joy to sobbing on my bed. Yeah, I cry a lot. (Side note--I don't cry when I'm in pain, for some reason. Just when I'm feeling the Spirit or really sad. I didn't cry a drop when I broke my wrist and could feel every minute of the hour before they got me to the ER and doped up.)

Yeah. It's a stupid reason to be really, really upset. I know and you don't need to tell me that. That is just one of my particular weaknesses that Satan knows very well. Here's a secret that since this is now on the internet, is no longer a secret: I have been asked out twice. Ever. The first one I had to turn down because I had a Madrigals gig, and the second one only happened because it was a Madrigals thing. It has been really, really hard for me to be best friends with two of the most popular girls in my social circle, girls who were prom royalty and constantly dating, girls who were absolutely beautiful and fantastic in every way. While they went out with all of my guy friends, I sat at home, miserable. It's been that way literally since the seventh grade. I can't tell you how many times I have cried myself to sleep. Why am I telling you this? So you understand that this is one of my most painful weaknesses. Feeling unloved and unwanted is one of Satan's best tools against me. It's very effective and very painful.

Everyone has their Achilles heel. For some it's an addiction. For some it's sleep or distractions or just doing too much. For some, it's like me, a mind full of hate towards yourself. Whatever it is, I know it's hard. I know what it feels like to be attacked at the very point when you are the most vulnerable.

We've just got to pick up the pieces and keep going. If life is a journey, these times are when we are crawling on the ground through a muddy forest underbrush. We can't see the sun and we don't see an end, but we know it has to end eventually. There is no such thing as an eternal underbrush.

It's not always easy. Frankly, as I saw on a commercial for President Eyring's book, "the path of righteousness will always be uphill." And right now I know in my heart that everything will work out, but I am still in a low right now. I'm still in the underbrush--it doesn't go away as fast as you want it to. I want everything to happen on my timing, and not on the Lord's. But in theory, I know that the Lord's timing is as inspired as the events that occur. Maybe right now I just have to tell myself that until I get out of this mud. Once I can see the sky, once the rain clears I know I will see a purpose for my trials. Until then? I'll do what I'm supposed to, relying on past faith and experiences to help me make it through this. The darkness is only the night, it's not permanent and the sun will rise again.

Keep calm and carry on.

The Plan

Sometimes, all you can do is cry.

Has life ever gotten so overwhelming that you feel a literal burden that seems to be crushing you? A weight that can't be lifted, no matter what you do?

Welcome to the last seven days of my life.

It seemed like everything was out to get me this past little bit. I went home for Easter which was fantastic, but I was irritable with my sister and antisocial at best. I was (and I'll admit, still am) struggling with some of my roommates, trying my hardest not to bite their heads off. Allergy season started. I got sick. My voice wasn't working the way it needed to, and I have a recital on Saturday. Homework piled up.  One thing after another after another. Each a burden wearing me down a little more, slowly crushing the tender spirit that is slowly growing inside me. I have become a confidante of one of my very dear friends, which while I am glad to be, I struggle with the added difficulty of helping her bear her own, much more difficult burdens.

Tonight was the straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak. I slipped up today, decided I wasn't going to go to the temple and do initiatories and stayed in bed for most of the day because I wasn't feeling my best. To be honest, I just couldn't deal with people and friends and society. I knew I had to go to my last two classes, Abnormal Psychology and Latter-Day Voices, of course. I always look forward to LDV but was struggling to feel the Spirit the whole day. Even yesterday, I put my own desires above that which I knew I should have been doing. As I was sitting in the back row with my amazing friends Dakota and Adrienne and Scott, I was also praying silently to Heavenly Father to forgive me for slacking off. I needed the Spirit, perhaps more than ever. I needed to be the missionary I'm preparing to be to help my friend, and I needed to somehow keep up the happy demeanor I had been putting up. I had been proud--I hadn't let anyone in on the fact I was really, really struggling to even get out of bed some days.

Heh. So much for the happy facade. We were singing this beautiful piece, "My Shepherd Shall Supply My Need" arranged by Mack Wilberg. We are working on our show, which is "In Defense of Families." Something about the song just absolutely shattered my outer shell. I couldn't sing, I couldn't pretend everything was all right anyomore. It was fortunate that we sang it towards the end of class, because I barely mangaged to make it back to my backpack before I just LOST it. And I mean like sobbing hysterically. I finally realized, at that point, that I couldn't bear this load by myself.

Of course, my incredible friends immediately asked if I needed a blessing. I've had more Priesthood blessings this school year than I have had in my entire life, if you exclude patriarchal and baby blessings. Which granted, isn't saying much.

I can't remember much of the blessing, aside from the peace that came from it. But the theme and the one thing I gleaned from it was this:

The Lord has a plan for each and every one of us. Not just the overarching plan of salvation, but an individual plan, personalized for the specific trials, strengths and weaknesses we all have. He knows what we are going to go through, for He has gone through all of it Himself. He knows how best to help us. If we wander, He will bring people into our lives and place them there so we can come back one day. The path of course, has less heartache of sin if we don't stray, but there is always a way back. He's not just going to leave us out there alone and helpless.

I guess this post is a story time.
Once upon a time there was this girl who was terrified of the thought of going to second semester without her best friend. She had just started to get back on the path, and was afraid that she was going to slip once again because no one was there to help her and keep her in check.
On the first Tuesday of the semester, this girl went to her very first institute class up in Logan--mission prep. She volunteered to play the piano and was playing prelude when she saw a friend from high school come and sit down right behind where her stuff was. After the opening song, the girl went back to her seat and caught up with her friend, who she didn't even know went to Utah State. The girl's friend, obviously listening to the Spirit, invited the girl to audition for Latter-Day Voices that afternoon, and the girl accepted. She made it in the choir and it changed her life.

If you hadn't guessed, I was that girl. The Lord had inspired the beautiful Sara Wilcox to sit behind me that day, and inspired her to invite me to audition. Brother Salmond and the Presidency were inspired to allow me to become a Latter-Day Voice. I don't think the choir needed me as much as I needed that choir. The Lord knew what I needed. He had a plan for me which was more perfect than I could have ever imagined. Never have I ever found a place where I fit in so perfectly. Never have I ever had that number of friends who keep the covenants they have made. Never have I ever been so blessed.

We're all struggling. I know that. Some have been tried and tempted more than I could possibly imagine. But the Lord knows you personally. He knows your desires, your hopes and dreams, your fears and falls. And He knows you. He has descended below all things that He might know how best to succor His people. I know is personally and through the stories of my friends. I know that one day, all will be made well. Every tear will be wiped away and we will be encircled about in the arms of His love. Standing in a circle of friends after that very inspired blessing, I caught a glimpse of how perfect that day is going to be.

I will leave this post with a quote from Stephen E. Robinson, from his book Believing Christ.

"In Gethsemane and on Calvary, in His horrible suffering and death, the Savior descended below all things, just as in his resurrection He ascended above all things. Between those two events, Jesus Christ compassed either personally or vicariously the whole range of possible human experiences and circumstances from the worst to the best.  He has been lower than the lowest of us, and higher than the highest, so "that he comprehended all things." Both spatially as the light of creation and experientially of the Atoning One, Christ fills all things and is in and through all things. He has been everywhere. Thus when we are tempted to think that our sins have put us beyond the understanding or reach of God, we are simply mistaken, and we grossly underestimate the scope of the Atonement. However low we may fall, our Redeemer has already been there, and He went there for the sole purpose of finding and bringing us lost sheep back. I have occasionally heard people say things like, "how can come back to Church, or pray, or approach God after what I've done. I've sunk too low; I've put myself beyond His reach. I'm to vile to save." To this the Savior responds essentially, I know where you are; I've been where you are-- and worse than that. I know what you're feeling, for I have felt it. I remember my own pain when I went through it, and my heart aches for you. But I want you back. I'll even carry you back if you'll let me."

I love you all. Stay firm and true until next time, and I say these things in the name of our Brother, Friend, and Savior Jesus Christ, Amen.

PS: I'm a music junkie, so here's the incredible song that caused this post..
My Shepherd Will Supply My Need
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yzARLyXJjec

Even if you Don't Like Lemonade

I always disliked the saying "when life throws you lemons, make lemonade." For one thing, if all you had in your lemonade was lemons, everyone would hate you, because who just squeezes a lemon and drinks it straight? That's right, NOBODY unless you're Chuck Norris or something.

Now, I'm not going to try and be all clever and deep and meaningful here, because you see, I am about due for another lovely little packet of happiness (read: hydrocodone). But even though I don't get many people reading this, it allows me to do something produvtive and is a bit of a cathatsis for sitting in bedrest all day.

I didn't expect this to be so hard. Once upon a time, I broke my wrist. The ER staff told me it looked fairly clean and that I shouldn't need surgery. Well, they must of misinterpreted the x-rays, because this has been a really lousy spring break. I had to get a plate and some screws put into my wrist on Tuesday.

Let me interject--yes, I'm interrupting myself. This was my third surgery. I have had two pretty intensive shoulder surgeries, one in May of 2009 and one in November of 2010. They were not fun, to put it lightly. But this? This has easily been the worst surgery I've been through, because my body has refused to let me sleep the pain off. Between 10:00 Tuesday evening and 11:00 Wednesday night, I slept 2 and a half hours. Today was better--my merciful surgeon prescribed me a low dosage sleeping medication that let me sleep about 6 hours. Hopefully I should be back to normal tonight.

But, as my loopy self was sitting in bed just praying for some sleep that never came, I realized why that  little lemonade adage was so popular. Yes, lemons are sour and no one wants to eat them outright. But you can't just look at an experience and see the bad to it. You have to bring your own good into it--sugar's not that expensive, and neither is a little optimism. I've just been stingy with my sugar in this experience because it happened at a really bad time. Well, I'm not going to make it too sweet, because nobody likes that either. But, the good and the bad do have to balance out. Yes. I broke my wrist pretty badly. But we have the medication and technology to fix it so that I can play piano again. Yes, it's made me pretty helpless, but it's also made me rely a lot more on the Lord. I've been able to spends a lot more time with my roommates and with my family. I've been forced to slow down and just take time to let myself heal. So no, I'm not a huge fan of lemonade, but sometimes you need the sour to balance out the sweet. And who knows? There might be someone down the road who needs that outlook to keep them walking.

Now, though, on to pain pills! Hurrah!

Also! I went through the Draper Temple on Saturday. I will echo what all of the General Authorities and leaders of the Church have said--do everything you can to obtain a Temple Recommend. If you have one, go often. The peace is beyond description. The blessings are without measure.

Questions? Feel free to email me at c.chey.steele@gmail.com or just drop 'em below!

Cass

I VOLUNTEER! I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE!

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No. I'm not going to Panem, thank goodness.

I'm going to Baton Rouge, Louisiana! I know, everyone thought I was going to go international, but as I opened my call letter I knew but at that moment that the Lord has been the one who issued my call, and therefore that I was where I needed to be. As I read the words "Louisiana Baton Rouge  I knew it was right. The most powerful sense of peace I've ever felt in my life came over me and I knew that that confirmation was assuring me that the Lord approved of what I was doing, and that he said he would send me somewhere where I could touch the lives of others that maybe others couldn't touch. I already love the people, and haven't even met them yet! I report July 24th, 2013. Pioneer Day!

It hasn't been an easy route to this call. The week before I got my call was one of the worst weeks my life. It seems to the adversary was trying to throw everything he could at me to discourage me from accepting a call that the Lord had extended. Monday, my sister-in-law miscarried her baby. Is a huge blow to the entire family because we'd been praying so hard for her to keep it. I know that my pain was nothing compared to hers, but it was still hurts me as her sister-in-law. Tuesday, I found out one of my acquaintances up at Utah State has passed away after a series of illnesses. He was blind and had a wonderful seeing eye dog named Huck, and we had just really hit off our friendship before we broke at the semester. I wasn't really super good friends with him, but the blow took me by surprise and also really hurt.I felt like I was constantly in danger of losing my temper, and I could never really find any peace. Except for when I was at the Temple. I was always comfortable there. Finally, I was over hanging out with some friends at the Sports Academy and jumping on a trampoline when I jumped off and landed on my hand. I broke my wrist--snapped at the head of the radius. I spent 3 hours in the emergency room. They had to set the bone and now I'm stuck in a splint until tomorrow when I get it casted. This was the final hardship of a horrible week. 

All of this happened to the week my call was made. I understood something that week. The Lord does not permit the righteous to suffer adversity because He enjoys watching us in pain. He permits us to suffer because he knows we will grow. Rest assured, the pain does not come from Him.

Sometimes, the pain is because he needs someone else at home. Sometimes, it's that the timing isn't right. And sometimes, the pain comes from your own willfulness to do things you're not prepared to do. But I promise you: any pain you suffer, the Savior has already suffered. He will be with you every step of the way. He will not flee nor fail you.

Elder Bednar spoke tonight at a CES devotional about letting your will be swallowed up in the will of the Father. We have to have the faith to accept His will, regardless of our desires. I really encourage you to go watch it on lds.org. it really is a powerful talk given by an authorized servant of the Lord.

 I am so grateful to have the friends I do. Its hard at this age to be committed to the gospel, yet the people around me are incredible examples of just that. I feel like I could go on for hours of what I've learned from them, But I won't. But I love being around worthy Priesthood holders and righteous Daughters of God. I love that my friends are in tune with the Spirit or working to be. I just love my friends :)

 Well, that's all for tonight. It's taken me a while to type this, being one handed. God be with you 'till we meet again.