Today was a remarkably good day. I don't know why, but it just was happy and funny and I was in a really strange mood. I had an unusual amount of energy and was cracking jokes and just being very not what I'm like most Thursday nights.
As I was walking to go check my mail at 9:30 this evening, the realization hit me.
This moment will never happen again.
This year, this part of my life is entirely unique and unrepeatable.
It literally stopped me in my tracks. After 22 days, I will never be in these particular choirs again. Sure, I'll be in Chorale and LDV, but not with these groups, with these people. I will never be a freshman/sophomore/junior music student all at once ever again. I will never room with these roommates again. After 104 days, I will never be a premish again. The next time I come back to school, I will be a return missionary.
It was a strange thought. I feel like so much of the time I am rushing about, excited for the weekend or to get to the end of the day. I feel like while we're in the moment it feels like it will never end. It feels like we are suspended in Jello. Time's not moving and you want it to move forward. Get to the next thing! Oh, I can't wait for the weekend! I can't wait to master this song and move on! I can't wait for my mission!
But then you look back. And those moments you thought would never end are months and years in the past. I graduated from high school, a moment I never thought I would get past. I was stuck in the high school Jello flavor forever, it seemed. Yet here I am, nearing the end of my first year at Utah State. I thought I would never get through both of my friends leaving on missions. But here I am, doing remarkably well, most of the time (I have my bad days when I am halfway through a text to either of them and I realize they won't answer). I thought I'd never get my call, I'd never reach the day I'd go through the temple for myself. Yet here I am.
I want it to slow down!! Of course I want to serve my mission. Of course I want life to move forward. But I just want to stop and hit the pause button for a bit! I want to sit and just be in the moment. There's no pause button in life, unfortunately. We have to move on to bigger and better things. Man, I can't wait for the eternities when there's no end. But even then! I love this life! Everything we say is "I can't wait, I can't wait!" But so often, I know I am so focused on ahead and the next thing that I pass by the happy things going on right now.
My happy list for today included:
Going to the temple
Meeting a girl on the bus who knew one of my friends in San Bernardino
Failing miserably at trying to get a "referral" from a "member in the area" in mission prep
Talking to Sara during our trek across campus
Learning to march with a bass drum in percussion
Completing a lengthy assignment in Computer Apps
Finding out I apparently talk to myself out loud sometimes in voice lessons
Laughing and finally finding out the name of the boy I sit next to in Psychology, because we realized we never actually did that
Chatting on the phone with my lovely mother about life
Latter-Day Voices in general. Being silly. Making people laugh. Talking with Adrienne about how cute certain couples are. Watching our incredible dancers. Lamenting over things that could have been yet weren't.
All of these these things just make me want to cry STOP!! I don't want this to end! I don't want this part of my life to be over in a blink of an eye! Yet life moves on. We can't stop time, as much as we want to. So live in the moment. Remember eternity, remember and plan for the future, but don't let your thoughts of the future interfere with the joy of the present. I'm not going to quote the cliche, but seriously. The present is a gift. Don't take it for granted because soon, in a matter of seconds or minutes or hours, it will be the past. Live every moment.
Love y'all! Firm and true 'till next time!
<3 Cass
As I was walking to go check my mail at 9:30 this evening, the realization hit me.
This moment will never happen again.
This year, this part of my life is entirely unique and unrepeatable.
It literally stopped me in my tracks. After 22 days, I will never be in these particular choirs again. Sure, I'll be in Chorale and LDV, but not with these groups, with these people. I will never be a freshman/sophomore/junior music student all at once ever again. I will never room with these roommates again. After 104 days, I will never be a premish again. The next time I come back to school, I will be a return missionary.
It was a strange thought. I feel like so much of the time I am rushing about, excited for the weekend or to get to the end of the day. I feel like while we're in the moment it feels like it will never end. It feels like we are suspended in Jello. Time's not moving and you want it to move forward. Get to the next thing! Oh, I can't wait for the weekend! I can't wait to master this song and move on! I can't wait for my mission!
But then you look back. And those moments you thought would never end are months and years in the past. I graduated from high school, a moment I never thought I would get past. I was stuck in the high school Jello flavor forever, it seemed. Yet here I am, nearing the end of my first year at Utah State. I thought I would never get through both of my friends leaving on missions. But here I am, doing remarkably well, most of the time (I have my bad days when I am halfway through a text to either of them and I realize they won't answer). I thought I'd never get my call, I'd never reach the day I'd go through the temple for myself. Yet here I am.
I want it to slow down!! Of course I want to serve my mission. Of course I want life to move forward. But I just want to stop and hit the pause button for a bit! I want to sit and just be in the moment. There's no pause button in life, unfortunately. We have to move on to bigger and better things. Man, I can't wait for the eternities when there's no end. But even then! I love this life! Everything we say is "I can't wait, I can't wait!" But so often, I know I am so focused on ahead and the next thing that I pass by the happy things going on right now.
My happy list for today included:
Going to the temple
Meeting a girl on the bus who knew one of my friends in San Bernardino
Failing miserably at trying to get a "referral" from a "member in the area" in mission prep
Talking to Sara during our trek across campus
Learning to march with a bass drum in percussion
Completing a lengthy assignment in Computer Apps
Finding out I apparently talk to myself out loud sometimes in voice lessons
Laughing and finally finding out the name of the boy I sit next to in Psychology, because we realized we never actually did that
Chatting on the phone with my lovely mother about life
Latter-Day Voices in general. Being silly. Making people laugh. Talking with Adrienne about how cute certain couples are. Watching our incredible dancers. Lamenting over things that could have been yet weren't.
All of these these things just make me want to cry STOP!! I don't want this to end! I don't want this part of my life to be over in a blink of an eye! Yet life moves on. We can't stop time, as much as we want to. So live in the moment. Remember eternity, remember and plan for the future, but don't let your thoughts of the future interfere with the joy of the present. I'm not going to quote the cliche, but seriously. The present is a gift. Don't take it for granted because soon, in a matter of seconds or minutes or hours, it will be the past. Live every moment.
Love y'all! Firm and true 'till next time!
<3 Cass
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